ObiWan's Ten Point Guide To Paradise
by Seven is Me
Summary: Obi's advice to help get you through the Afterlife. Learn to survive former Padawans, Masters, and even council members in ten easy steps. Qui, Ani, and even Yoda makes an appearance.
1. Of Former Padawans

Obi-Wan's Ten Point Guide To Paradise  
Author: Seven is Me  
Summary: This is what happens when a crazy Obi-Wan fangirl is too stubborn to believe that Obi-Wan just dies. Basically, just short and fluffy.  
Disclaimer: I got nothin! I own nobody in this story, and the idea that Paradise is just like our reality, only perfect, is loosely borrowed from "The Chronicles of Narnia" to which I also have no claim over.  
Dedication: To my Master and my Partner, PrincessArulmozhi and RiverStone respectively!  
Last Second Details: Obi's Guide **is **finished. And will be updated once a week for your pleasure! And yes I'm done now. On with the story!

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Point One: Never let returned-to-the-light Padawans apologize for anything.

--

It had been years since he had died. He wasn't quite sure how long he's been settled into the force, but not a true part of it. Obi-Wan, now sure that Luke could handle anything that the Force saw fit to throw his way on his own, knew he was no longer needed here. Besides, the song of the Force was calling him, and it was time to heed it's final call. There was only one last thing to take care of.

With all of his strength, he defied his wish to settle into the one warmth that had led him through everything. He needed to see his brothers son... just this one last time. Rising the boy from sleep, he let them both wander to the roof. Goodbyes were said, and then... Finally, he allowed the Force to carry him... _home_.

He was falling through darkness... and amongst the odd sensation of free falling, he felt something he thought to be impossible. He felt himself de-aging. He closed his as he pondered this. He felt _younger_. When he felt ground beneath his feet once again, he opened his eyes, and let out a startled gasp.

There was no way to tell exactly how old he was. He simply was he... as he had always been. His body felt like it was pulled taut with strings of unspent energy, wanting to pull him apart if he didn't do something with it soon. His braid, that signified his devotion to his Master hung dutifully behind one ear, and his usual Jedi garb swathed his form.

He gazed about, and for the first time in a near infinity, he laughed. The Temple stood as tall and serene as it ever had. As grand as it had been during the golden ages of the Force. Forests, mountains, hills, and plains, all lay before him, in more beauty than he had ever seen before. With their colours flaming more brightly then he had ever seen in life. And still he laughed.

"Master!"

That voice stopped him dead.

'Well, not dead...' He thought wryly to himself. 'Just cold... and only for a moment.' He decided, as the warmth of remembered love spread through him.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan returned the excited call, brining the brother of his soul into a crushing embrace he'd been eagerly awaiting since Mustafar. When they both reluctantly allowed their embrace to end, Obi-Wan tossed a mock stern glance at his once padawan. "How many times have I told you to call me Obi-Wan?"

But Anakin wasn't listening. He was far too busy apologizing. "I'm so sorry Master! I didn't mean to! ...Well, with Padme I did... I loved her Master! I still do... But I swear that I never meant to turn to the Dark Side! I only wanted to save her and the baby-"

'Well...' Obi-Wan thought to himself as he watched his brother muddle through an apology that he did not need, nor wanted. 'This is more than slightly awkward...'

"-Not only did I betray you, and not trust you to help us, my wife, my mother, and myself... I **_killed_** you!"

'How do I turn him off?'

"-And you were lost in the Force for an era! Looking after a son whose side I should have been at... keeping watch over a daughter that I should have raised-"

'_Please_ make him stop!' Obi-Wan begged the Force. 'I can't take him blaming himself for something that was my fault-' Then Obi-Wan gave himself a mental slap. 'My fault this may be... but if I say that we'll be stuck in guilt for an eternity...'

'I'm so sorry Master-!"

"Anakin! That's enough."

Anakin's blue eyes widened and blinked. "Master?" He asked, lowering blue orbs to Obi-Wan's polished boots, in what the younger man thought to be understanding of this new situation. "Oh... I'm sorry. I should have known that you'd never want to see me again-"

"I have come to a conclusion." Obi-Wan butted into the new apology before it could take off. Firmly cutting his Padawan from any more apologies he wished to make. "This," The elder of the two gestured between them, "Is far to awkward. I propose that that we find the closest cantina, get a few drinks, and drink until we forget anything that happened after the beginning of the clone wars, other than a few selective things, naturally. Deal?"

Anakin blinked, "What?"

However, Obi-Wan let him have no more time to puzzle over this new turn of events. He grabbed his former apprentices arm and dragged the guilt ridden man into the first seedy cantina he could find.

Obi-Wan ordered the first round of drinks, and began telling young Luke stories. Even so, it wasn't until a few rounds in, that he felt Anakin take his advice, and relax into the easy comradeship that they had once so easily shared. Together they sat and laughed, until the stress of current events caught up with Anakin. The pure need to get the apology off his chest, leaving the younger man slouching and sleepy in his seat in their booth, yet unwilling to move from where his Masters warm voice was.

It was only when Obi-Wan heard the soft and familiar snoring of his apprentice, that he stopped whatever pointless story he had been telling. He had felt his brother fading, but hadn't the heart to tell him to leave. With things still as tender as they were between them...

Obi-Wan stopped Anakin from falling into his cafe, and pushed the boy back into a sitting position, before calling for the bill... before remembering he was dead and there was none.

Gently he gathered the brother of his soul into his arms, and made his way to where he could sense Lady Padme waiting.

--

Point Two: Never bring your father/brother/sister/mother/other relation home after a day of soul searching when they haven't told their wife/husband where they've been... Unless you happen to _like_ being scolded by long winded spouses...

--


	2. Ode of the Council Members

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Point 3: Never trust out of work Jedi Council members.

---

"Here to welcome you home, I am Master Kenobi." Yoda smiled, dark eyes twinkling.

Obi-Wan shifted his weight uneasily. 'Somehow I get the distinct feeling that I'm not going to like this...'

"Good for you, this will be!" The little troll chuckled, seemingly picking up on his train of thought.

"I have a bad feeling about this..." Obi-Wan grumbled, though the few children in the halls only looked at him like he was insane.

"Gone for too long you were." The little Master admonished. "Neglecting you're duties you have been. Recently resigned a Master from the high council did."

"Master Yoda, as much as I appreciate this-"

"Good you're agreement is! See you in the Council Chambers at the fifth hour, I will."

Obi-Wan groaned, 'I haven't even had the chance to see _my_ Master yet, and their already demanding my time.' Watching the little green master disappear through the hallways, Obi-Wan was sure that the little troll was more than just slightly pleased that he'd once again drafted him into the council.

Grumbling all the way back to his quarters, cursing when he realized he only had two hours before his appointed meeting with the council. He changed quickly after a rather refreshing shower, and grabbed a quick bite to eat before rushing with all speed to the council chambers.

Nodding at the padawan who was sitting behind the desk, he entered the grand chambers of the Jedi Council. It was then that he realized, he was already uncomfortable. Something just wasn't right. However, nobody else seemed to notice, as Yoda motioned for him to sit in what was once his usual spot.

Obi-Wan was awaiting the fist order of business, when suddenly the lights flickered and disappeared. He was up in a moment, blue blade ignited, as he readied himself for whatever had made him so increasingly uneasy.

Suddenly there was laughter all around the chamber, and the lights came back online, and in front of him was a large cocoa cake, topped with his favorite soft and sinfully sweet sea foam coloured berry. "Happy Birthday Master Kenobi!" The twelve council members cheered.

Obi-Wan nearly hit himself for forgetting what day it was as everyone laughed, chatted, and just had a good time. Just as Obi-Wan was about to suggest that they cut his marvelous looking moon berry and cacao cake, when Yoda, whose brain he suspected to have shrunk over his years in the Dagobah swamp, threw cake at Master Windu.

"Food Fight!" Master Windu cried.

All the while, Obi-Wan watched his delicious cake disappear under the zealous hands of the council members. He let his head fall into his hands. 'My cake!'

**_SPLAT!_**

'My cake in my _hair_!' He whined to himself... before slowly picking himself up from his chair. He took one deep calming breath and let it all flow from him. With a slow and deliberate motion, bowed to the twelve members of the council, ans silently left the room.

...But not before the thanked the Force he didn't really have to sit in that chair ever again.

---

Point Four: Never visit the council once they have nothing more productive to do than throw birthday parties. Bored council members equates to insanity.

---


	3. To be Home

(Seven comes in with repentance flowers and obi-plushies for her readers) I am so sorry! I'm apparently very bad at this thanking the readers thing.

Katieellesar: Thank you so much! And just for you, Master Jinn's appearance!

Hieiko: Lightened up indeed. What other torture will they have for our poor Obi-Wan?

EagleFox: Why, thank you!

Rachel 791: Continuing for you now!

Padfoot Reincarnated: Thank you! I loved writing that line. One of the best things ever written by yours truly.

Now, On to the story!

--

Point Five: Always remember to go home first. The best things are always there.

--

Obi-Wan opened the doors to his living quarters to find the one thing he had not expected. Something he had no seen since his years as an apprentice. It was currently pacing a well beaten path into the floor of his common room.

Pulling on the braid that was still present against his ear, as he watched that oh so well loved figure move in such a familiar fashion. Obi-Wan's heart suddenly felt full, so much so that the poor thing threatened to shatter at any moment. Oh, how long had he waited to see this again? He could hardly remember the long years...

"Obi-Wan?" The deep, yet ever calming balm to his soul whispered his name as if it where a fleeting wind.

And suddenly his heart did as it threatened. It burst. His eyes overflowed, hearing that voice speak his name. "Master!" Obi-Wan cried throwing himself into the arms of none other than Qui-Gon Jinn.

The elders chest rumbled against the youngers cheek as he pulled his son into a crushing embrace. "There, there, My Obi-Wan. One would think you actually missed me."

Kenobi's head shot up, eyes flashing in horrified astonishment. "Of course I missed you!"

"Lady Padme called me yesterday, after you so promptly rushed in and out of our quarters, to tell me you brought her husband home a mess. She was quite adamant about making a point that I should do all in my power to be sure you would be better behaved in the future." Qui-Gon told him. "And you didn't even bother to say hello before running off into the temple!You visit Anakin and Padme- Obi-Wan is that _cake_ in your hair?"

Obi-Wan buried his face in his Masters tunics mortified, his face beginning to paint itself a rather furious magenta.

"Oh!" Qui-Gon lamented dramatically. "You go to see everyone else, even the council who hold meeting to do nothing more than pull pranks! I thought you loved me more than that!"

"Master!" Obi-Wan grumbled good naturedly. "You know that's not true."

Jinn laughed, as he playfully hit the other man's shoulder. "That's for keeping me waiting."

Both men gave into the chuckling that had been threatening to spill over for the last while, giving out merry peals of laughter for all to hear. Jovially, the smaller of the men threw a punch back at his Master, hitting his shoulder. "That's for dying on me."

"As much as it pains me to interrupt..."

The bickering pair turned, and happily greeted Anakin and Padme.

"Care to join us for dinner?" Obi-Wan asked Anakin, "And I'll even let your wife stay as long as she doesn't lecture me into boredom and death."

--

Point Six: Family dinners are a wonderful way to become reacquainted... even if you do have to cook.

--


	4. Dueling and the Poster Boy

_Rachel 791_: Well, wait no more! Here it is!

_EagleFox_: Really? Will I get a pretty review from the both of you?

_Ktgymchick_: Well, mine is... Though I am very happy that everyone who's reviewed likes it so much!

_GMUXMenSoaps_: More for you now!

On with the story!

---

Point Seven: Picnics are a great way to spend time with your loved ones.

---

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan called, knocking on the door to the home that his brother and Padme shared. "Anakin!"

"Obi-Wan!"

"Padme!" Obi-wan smiled, drawing the woman into a hug. "How are you?"

"Very well, Obi-Wan." She grinned. "Come in."

"Thank you, but I really only have a moment." The knight explained. "Master and I are going for our usual picnic... And we would like Anakin to join us. If he so desires, of course."

"You don't have to tip toe, Obi-Wan." Padme scolded. "We are not in a political arena."

Obi-Wan threw her a devilish grin. "Excuse me for being on edge when my brothers wife is showing me her house, as she nearly bored me to death the last time I was here for letting her husband become emotionally drained. In a lecture, that I kindly remind you, was very political in sound."

Padme gave a cute little pout. "I _did _say that I was sorry."

Obi-Wan laughed. As he took a seat, he took notice of Anakin leading in a petite sandy haired woman. Though he had never met her before, he knew her immediately. Silently, he rose and bowed to the new arrival. "Lady Skywalker." The woman however seemed more than slightly surprised at the show of manners on his part.

"Obi-Wan!" Anakin broke into a grin. "Mother, I'd like you to meet my brother. Obi-Wan, my mother."

Obi-Wan bowed low again as she was properly introduced to him, and was surprised when she placed her finger under his chin and drew his gaze back to her. Then she did something that the elder knight never thought that the mother of the one he had failed so thoroughly would ever do. She drew him into a solid embrace. And he tensed horribly, ready for whatever this woman had to throw at him. "Thank you."

_That_ was definitely not expected.

"For what, Lady Skywalker?"

Shmi pulled him closer, barely breathing the words next to his ear, "For doing such a good job with my son." Then, before the knight could respond, she withdrew, kissed his cheek, and smiled a goodbye to her son and his wife, and left the house. This left Obi-Wan quite speechless, and standing rather awkwardly in the common room.

"I think she likes you." Anakin smirked. "You'll have to have a meal with us someday."

"Thank you Anakin," Obi-Wan said, finally regaining use of his vocal cords. "Which brings me back to my point. Master and I are going for a picnic. We would like you to join us, if you have no other plans, and your wife is willing to spare you."

Anakin's face lit up. "Of course! Padme was just about to visit her nieces."

Obi-Wan returned the happy look, and motioned towards the door. Together they chatted idly as they strolled. When they both reached the rather lovely picnic spot, they discovered that Qui-Gon had already been there long enough to spread and set the blanket. It really was a very beautiful place. A grassy plain that was set just above a white sand beach with nothing but crystal water beating upon it's shores. The perfect spot to spend a day with those that shared one's heart.

"Ah, there you two are." Qui-Gon jested lightly. "I was beginning to think that you were going to leave this poor old man all alone."

"Begging your pardon Master," Obi-Wan bowed. "But I met the Lady Skywalker, and we were therefore slightly detained. Although, if I knew it would be so easy to ditch you, I would have done so a long time ago."

Qui-Gon swatted the irrepressible Kenobi, but let the comment slide, "She's a wonderful woman." He spoke instead.

Both younger men nodded, and began setting out the food.

It was the first time that Anakin truly had the opportunity to watch his brother and their father match wits. And match they did, and took it into an all out war, switching from one topic to the next as soon as they drew to a stalemate or Master Jinn won a round.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked, disturbing the younger mans thoughts, causing his brother to jump some. "Would you care to spar with us?"

Just as Obi-Wan had suspected, the younger's face brightened with the potential challenge. "Two against one?" The youngest asked hopefully.

Smiling, Obi-Wan threw a glance to his own Master, who grinned and replied, "If that's the way the Jedi Poster Boy wants it..." Qui-Gon smiled, before taking a very unsportsmanlike slash at Anakin's abdomen with the speed of a lightning strike.

It surprised Anakin, and the look of sheer shock on his face was more than just a little comical. After all, he usually wore such a smug expression, and it fit him like a glove. The two older humans, however, were more than happy to take the delusions of supreme power away from the youngest male. Obi-Wan took advantage of the surprise however, by suddenly appearing behind him and taking a shot at the still unarmed man's back.

"Master!" Anakin cried indignantly, as the quick blow forced the Chosen One to take a fast dive into the dust. "That was a cheap shot!"

Qui-Gon laughed, "You two talk too much!" He commented, brining his sword down forcing their youngest to roll over and force himself back up in a huff.

"Cheaters." Anakin grumbled good naturedly.

The two Masters however made no other move. They merely stood side by side, awaiting for Anakin to signal his readiness. It was only then that Anakin realised the strength that radiated of them in waves, each presence feeding off the other, forever making each other stronger without burning the other out. Power shone in their readied stances, and Anakin found he couldn't wait to test his skills upon two of the greatest of his predecessors. They were done playing. Anakin dusted off his dark clothing, and then his lightsaber was in his hand, and all were ready.

Then, there was stillness. Both Masters stood, ever patient. Anakin, however while his strengths were many and great, patience was not one of them, and he was the first to act. He took a swing at the tallest Master, only to have his blue blade cross with another of the same color. Not Jinn's blade, but his bothers.

Blinking back his surprise, he barely had the time to bring his blade back to protect against the strike made to his unguarded back, then bring it back to protect his throat from the blow that was being delivered from the the other blue blade.

'It's a good thing we're already dead,' Obi-Wan sent over the bond he shared with the two other men.

'Indeed it is,' Qui-Gon answered, mental tone ringing with shared humor. 'Or we might actually mar the pretty boys good looks.'

Obi-Wan laughed aloud, and locked the two blue blades together. Forcing the younger man to step and spin to make contact with the angry green blade that was still coming at him despite the fact that the elder of the brothers had yet to move. Grinning, the two older Jedi realized that Anakin had had enough of playing by their terms, and he took a page from the younger of the pairs book. He leaped above their heads, careful to keep well out of the range of stray saber blades. After all, one mistake like that was enough to teach Anakin that lesson. Once was more than enough.

Smiling with a very un-Jedi-like expression, Obi-Wan ducked and rolled, springing up right where his brother wished to land. Awkwardly, Anakin was forced to attempt to transform an uncomfortable fall into a manageable back flip. This too, was destined to fail. For Qui-Gon was there just a split second before he would have managed a rather impressive landing. As the youngest of the trio flailed to regain his precious footing, Obi-Wan feigned a blow that landed the dark clad Jedi on his back.

Then before Anakin was even aware there was even time to move, green and blue blades of light were held to his throat.

Chest heaving as he breathed, Anakin looked up in awe at them. "I yield." Anakin chocked. "But... How? I mean, I took down every Jedi in the sithling temple!"

Qui-Gon chuckled as the two blades about his throat disappeared with a snap-hiss. "It's quite simple. And I assure you that it has nothing to do with your abilities-"

"Or lack thereof." Obi-Wan teased.

"-Any form of saber form that you take is a divergence from Obi-Wan's." Jinn explained, ignoring the interruption as Obi-Wan settled down in the grass at his feet. "Just as Obi-Wan's is from mine. So unless you make a long, hard, very conscious-"

"And most likely painful..." Kenobi muttered playfully.

"-Effort... It will be no small task to beat our combined talents."

Obi-Wan offered a hand to his now steadily breathing brother, who was now moping in his own idiom. "There are many who would be happy to help you..."

Anakin hoisted himself up, and glared at his mentor as he dusted himself off, before smirking.

Obi-Wan barely ducked under the blade that came down in a scorching arc. He was not fast enough, for a large burn mark was more than evident on his tunic. Obi-Wan glanced at in in shock, before doing something Anakin had never thought he'd see his strong and proud Master do.

"Maaaaaaaaaster!" Kenobi cried as he ducked behind said older man, and clutched at the back of his tunics. "Maaaaaaster! He tried to take my arm off!"

Anakin blinked in surprise, before just giving into the moment and going with it. "I did not!" Anakin countered with a more than blatant lie. "Master Jinn, he's lying!" He whined.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Now, now, children..." Jinn laughed, "Let's all play together nicely."

This, as one can imagine, hardly seemed to help.

"At least I didn't try to give my Master a heart attack with suicidal Skywalker flying!" Obi-Wan growled.

"And I didn't chop off all of my padawan's limbs!"

"You never _had_ a padawan! Besides, you cut off your own son's hand... so you're one to talk!"

"That's not the point!"

"Well, you _killed_ me!"

"You _took_ most of me!"

Then they turned, "_Maaaaaaaster!_" Both whined at Qui-Gon.

And Jinn just laughed.

---

Point Eight: Don't fight in the Afterlife. Winning, loosing, or coming to a stalemate just takes too long when your Master can't mediate because he's laughing to hard.

---


	5. Long Awaited Arrival

Oh! It's the end! It's really not fair!

_Padfoot Reincarnated_: Why thank you. Enjoy the last bit.

_Rachel 791_: Why thank you! Next Chapter coming up!

_The Dancing Calalier_: This is the last one, I hope you like it as much as you did the rest!

_Ktgymchick_: Here you go! The last one! Enjoy!

_EagleFox_: I'm glad that you laughed so hard. It's what this chapter was for.

_EagleFoxesBro_:Thank you!

_GMUXMenSoaps_: Thank you! And with you.

---

---

Point Nine: Always remember those whom you've left behind.

---

Obi-Wan stood at the gates that separated the lands of the living, and the world of the living... impaired. And he had purpose in being here. Obi-Wan Kenobi, one of the most respected knights in all of history, was waiting.

He'd long lost track of how long he'd been here. Just as he'd lost track of how many of his friends had come to try to drag him away from his place of waiting. He was nearly sure that the only one who thought he hadn't gone _completely_ insane was his Master.

They were all asking why he was waiting. All asking why the felt the need to stand so still. They told him that it was unnatural for even the most disciplined and heavily burdened Jedi Master to sit so still for so long. After all, anyone who knew him had reminded him, that even though his patience was revered throughout the order, even he preferred to be moving about and active.

Though if he was completely honest with himself, even _he_ didn't know what he was waiting for.

"Obi-Wan?"

The knight felt little need to turn to face Anakin Skywalker. After all, his former padawan had come by the most often. "What is it, Anakin?" He asked kindly.

"... Master... come down for lunch with my family." Anakin breathed with the same hopeless optimism that had dragged him down so in life. "You have been a presence at that table for longer than the descendants of my own flesh and blood. Even my mother looks upon you as her kin. Solo... he'd love to have you there..."

Obi-Wan smiled at the mention of the youngest of the Skywalkers daughter's children, and the namesake of his grandfather. Slowly, as the former general pushed himself up from his position in front of the door of worlds, he barely heard Anakin's sigh of relief that somethings were still more important to him than... whatever it was that he was waiting for. That was until the Force began screaming at him to stay where he was, calling out to him to still in this most heinous form of treachery.

He let himself fall back into his former position with a solid thump.

"Master?" Anakin asked tentatively.

"Go on ahead." Obi-Wan told him settling back comfortably in the soft turf. "I'll be along shortly."

"_Master_-"

"I promise Anakin. I'll make it back home before dessert." Obi-Wan swore, and he was more than sure that he would be able to keep his word. "This is just something that I need to do."

Anakin sighed, as Obi-Wan placed a hand on his shoulder. "Trust in me brother." Obi-Wan asked of him. "Have I ever steered you wrong...?"

Looking into crystal eyes sadly, the chose one breathed only s single word. "No."

So Kenobi continued to sit... and to wait.

Just as he was beginning to wonder if he would be able to keep his promise, he felt it.

The gate that separated the realms opened, and Obi-Wan rose.

He blinked in confusion. For walking through the gate was none other than Anakin Skywalker. But that was impossible...

"Ben!"

And that was that.

"Luke!" The young-old man smiled, enveloping the boy who was once his charge into a hug. That was until he felt said brothers son hitting him over the back of his head. "Ouch." He grumbled.

"Serves you right for letting Father kill you!" Luke stated firmly. "You just wait until I get you and Yoda in a room together! You'll both be very, _very, **sorry**_."

Obi-Wan only laughed, and look the boy by the shoulder. "Speaking of your Father... He'll kill me-"

"Again." Luke reminded his mentor sharply.

"-If we don't get down to his little feast before he serves dessert. Besides, your Mother and Grandmother will be there-"

""W-What?" Luke sputtered. "Isn't this going a little fast?"

"-They've both been really anxious to meet you since and even before your father got here." Obi-Wan continued, as if his charge had never spoken. "Asking for the same stories to be told about you... And when I go to visit... both of them _and_ your father as _me_ to tell tales. Of all people to ask..."

"Ben?"

"Yes, Luke?"

"Can we please wait for dinner another time...? I don't think-"

Suddenly there was a crash of dishes, and Luke was encased in a strangely familiar set of arms. "Son..." And it seemed to both men that it was a whispered prayer more than a statement.

"Father..." Luke mumbled back, sinking, accepting and returning the embrace.

And then all doubts were forgotten.

Point Ten: always remember... When you join us... We never run out of time.

End


End file.
